how can I be less emotionally invested during my job search?

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes:

I am about a year into my job search and it’s really wearing on me emotionally. I finished grad school about a year ago in a STEM-related (but not lucrative) field. I am trying to stay in the area where my partner lives and it has been hard. I find myself getting overly invested in the jobs that I apply to. There have also been a couple of jobs where I got to the end of a process, which was an all day interview on site, and then got ghosted by the employer or got an automated HR rejection letter. These incidents happened a couple of months ago and I am still mad. Not that I didn’t get the job, though I was disappointed, but that after multiple stages they couldn’t send me a quick but personal rejection.

I know it’s not helpful to get upset about this kind of stuff during the hiring process. I have read your advice and know that I should assume I will not get the job and put it out of my mind after I apply. But I can’t seem to implement it. I know that the emotional investment is not helping, rejections are sending me into spirals, but everything just feels so high stakes right now. Every opportunity feels like the last one I will get. How do I let go and be more detached?

Readers, what’s your advice?

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